Client Highlight: Gary S.
Can you describe the moment when you realized you wanted to start your journey of recovery?
“That's a tough one. Probably when I wound up in jail facing a lot of time in prison. I had been homeless up to that point too so I was kind of sick of it all you know. I had my kids out there waiting for me to get back to real life and I just didn’t see the way out. When I was sitting in jail I asked Drug Court if they’d give me another shot. The last time I had any success at all within my recovery was with their help. I didn’t think they were going to say yes because I graduated before and was doing good but then didn’t continue using the skills that I learned for various reasons. I wasn’t hopeful but I knew that was my only chance. I was pretty fortunate because they gave me the opportunity again and sent me to treatment. When I was in treatment I really, really started to kind of see things more clearly. In my first round of clean time after Drug Court the first time, I had all these external things going for me, my relationship was getting better, I had a good job, I got my license back and a car, you know all these good things but it was all external. What I didn’t know was that if those things went away I’d be left with myself, so when I lost those things I was lost myself. When I went to treatment is when I really started to have a good understanding of what doing it for myself really meant.”
What have been some of the most significant challenges you’ve encountered and how have you handled them along the way?
“One big hurdle that I run into fairly frequently is motivation. It’s not that I don’t have it or have a purpose but right– old habits die hard. Some days you just don’t want to get up and do the shit you’ve got to do, right? That’s human nature. Some days I give into that. Some days I’’m like ‘you know what, I’m not doing it today”. I think nowadays we call those mental health days or self-care days. I have to remember all the time that I can make those choices, that I get to make a choice to not do anything. But then I know I have to be ready to work double hard the next day or week to catch back up. We still have responsibilities and we’re accountable to people. We have to do the things we say we’re going to do and stick to our commitments, but we’re all human so it’s understandable to take breaks. I just think it’s imperative to get back to the grind and hustle when it’s time to do so.”
“Another thing I think I used to struggle with that I didn’t even know I was struggling with at the time but haven’t had to this time is external motivators; the ‘attaboys’, you know? Those things are necessary, we need those to feel supported and to continue to have the motivation to keep going, but that being said, if we’re not feeling fulfillment on our own without those external things, we need to think about what we’re doing. Nowadays, I feel good about what I’m doing regardless of what others think or say. & yes, I do want the people around me to support what I’m doing but I also have to continue to remain humble enough to accept when someone says ‘hey maybe this isn’t the best way to do this’. I might not enjoy hearing it, but I can look at it from their perspective and if it’s someone I trust, I trust their intent with giving me that feedback.”
Have you discovered new activities or practices that have positively impacted your recovery?
“Say no, say no, say no. This is still something I’m working on because I like to be of service. To be of service to individuals and the community in general is a way for me to fill my cup, it’s a way for me to feed my soul. I just also have to remember that I can’t pour from an empty cup, so I have to find and maintain a balance between doing things for others and doing things for myself. Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing for me, and you know I talked a little bit earlier about this but just sometimes I don’t want to do something and when I have those days guilt will rear its ugly head. I made this commitment and I have to stick to it but sometimes it’s about balance too. I don’t quite have a good schedule down yet, there’s a million things going on in like and sometimes I stretch myself thin. When I recognize that is when I have to say no. I have to say “I can’t do it” you know, and a lot of times people want to know why and I’ll tell them most of the time because if I can’t give an actual reason then maybe I shouldn’t be saying no to begin with, right?”
“This may seem silly but another thing is putting things in my calendar when I make an appointment or commitment. I put it in immediately and set a reminder for the day before and then a couple hours before, that way it’s set and I can just look at my calendar. Time management is key.”
What Driftless Recovery services have you/do you participate in? What have you found helpful?
“Well, I see a therapist here one-on-one every two weeks. It used to be every week and now it’s every two. Sometimes it’s even once a month because schedules get busy and we all need to show ourselves self care. I’m also currently residing at the Driftless House which is a godsend. There’s 15 guys and a lot of conflicting personality types but the beauty is that it offers us the opportunity to learn how to maneuver in different social settings with different people. It helps me to learn how to manage my emotions when someone else is having strong emotions. 15 dudes in recovery, the emotions can get pretty wild sometimes, especially when not a lot of us even know how to recognize what we’re feeling or how to respond appropriately in a given setting. I really like the opportunity to be in the house, it’s temporary but it’s definitely a good opportunity for growth.”
What are some milestones or achievements you feel proud of?
“Since I started this recovery journey, I’m in my 3rd semester in college for human services, I do speaking engagements, and I run a support group for the homeless community. I spoke here at SOP a couple times and recently within the adolescent group. I got feedback that it was pretty good so that feels really good. I struggled as an adolescent with a lot of stuff so it felt really fulfilling to be able to take part in that. I’m working with the Karuna House and we might start doing a support group right in the house so we’ll see where that goes. I’m also a Recovery Coach, so I’ve got a few peers that I work with and am trying to help them get into therapy and treatment. It feels good to attempt to help, you know? I think the coolest thing I’m learning throughout this journey is my own boundaries and limits. I’m learning how to set boundaries, how to figure out who I’m responsible for, what I’m responsible for, and who I’m accountable to. It’s helped me learn that other people are responsible for their own well-being and that’s cool. It’s really helped me kick my codependency.”
What have you learned about yourself during your time in services here?
“I’ve learned that in the past I have been pretty narrow-minded and had this idea that I was understanding but I really didn’t understand a lot. What I did was intellectualize a lot. I would make sense of things on an intellectual or logical side of things but not fully understand the emotion behind things like work dynamics, different personality types, people’s past traumas interacting with my own traumas, right? All of those pieces I was missing. Now I’m learning to have a more holistic view of people and society as a whole and that impacts the way I interact with the world.”
What plans/goals do you have for yourself moving forward?
“Long term goals… well I’ve got a grandbaby on her way so I’m half excited and half like ‘I’m not old enough to be a grandpa yet’ but you know, it’s happening regardless so I’m mentally preparing for that. In the next 10 years I’d like to own a home, hopefully sooner, but I’m not trying to get ahead of myself. I plan to go on for my Human Services degree and transfer to a four year to get my Bachelor’s in Psychology, then my Master’s in Psychology. Understanding that things can change along the way. My current goal is to become a counseling psychologist. I have always had this pattern of analyzing things, I’m always trying to figure out why people do what they do, it’s just always been that way for me so if that’s something I do naturally, why not try to use it, right? The cool thing about that too is that I can make a decent living and hopefully help make some change in the world– that’s truly what fills my cup. I’m a Recovery Coach and make my own hours plus I’m at Pizza Ranch right now. I don’t mind the job but I might cut back hours there and try to put some more work into being a Recovery Coach. Ultimately, I’d like to find a part time to full time job doing something in a facility somewhere or running groups somewhere. I’ve got a little while before that’s a viable option but those are my goals.”
Final message to the readers:
“Always remember to have compassion and grace with yourself and others. Everybody has a story and we don’t often know what it is. Having compassion and grace doesn’t excuse behaviors but it helps us all to understand each other a little better and hopefully through this understanding we can all learn to work together to make this world a better place.”
